Humor: : Many Roads of Life

THE MANY ROADS OF LIFE AND A FEW WORDS OF WISDOM..

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats..
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always Catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food..
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair..
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jello to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there
4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster
5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is . . . . Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . Having friends.
At age 17 success is . . Having a driver’s license.
At age 35 success is . . . Having money.
At age 50 success is . . . Having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . Having a driver’s license.
At age 75 success is . .. . Having friends.
At age 80 success is . . .. Not piddling in your pants.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way;
BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day

Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

 

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TFT: The Hunger Problem Is Purely Political

…or something like that.

A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

Did you know that the worldwide food shortage that threatens up to five hundred million children could be alleviated at the cost of only one day, only ONE day, of modern warfare. -Peter Ustinov, actor, writer and director (16 Apr 1921-2004)

== PT

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Media: Bureaucratic Old Tricks, But Reliable

::::::: The Elements of Bureaucratic Style
https://longreads.com/2017/04/12/the-elements-of-bureaucratic-style/

== PT

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Tech: Machine Redesign On-the-fly

Interestingly, this course runs counterclockwise.

:::::: McLaren to 3D-print parts at Bahrain F1 Grand Prix trackside – BBC News
http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-39522103?ocid=global_bbccom_email_07042017_technology

== PT

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Media: Picking Your Hits

My FiOS system has three or four channels that are all old TV shows and not much else. I would like to see a lot of these to find out if I still appreciate them as I once did. A lot of these are at inconvenient times and I’m not willing to get up at 6 AM just to watch one show on TV. Second, I refuse to watch four minutes of commercials for every 10 minutes of TV or whatever that awful ratio is. I can’t even follow the show. This means that the answer as to the Fun Factor generally is “no.”

Surprisingly, I find The Mary Tyler Moore Show still makes me laugh more than most others except for I Love Lucy. Both shows have excellent writing. Most of my old favorites have a very short shelflife, it turns out. I have written about this before. I can’t imagine what I ever saw that was funny in Jack Benny. But his contemporary, the gang on Sid Caesar’s Your Show of Shows, still puts me on the floor. And no one knows why. Except, of course, great writing plays a part.

Of course this is moot unless you have a DVR running. But if you’re picking off TV shows with this indispensable gadget, there’s a lot to choose from. Most have been on TV for years, but some I have not seen in many decades. Such as:

77 Sunset Strip

Wanted Dead or Alive

Have Gun Will Travel

One Step Beyond

The Life and Times of Wyatt Earp

Kolchak: The Night Stalker

Hill Street Blues

Naked City

Cheers

Miami Vice

The Bob Newhart Show

Dick Cavett’s interview show

Laugh-in

…and many others.

I am looking now at my channel guide and I see these are on my Fios in: COZI TV,
Antenna TV, and
Me TV.
The extra I spend on my recorder gives me at least 10 times as many choices every day. And it’s interesting to see what shows that once used to entertain me still do, while others have faded over the years.

The future isn’t what it used to be.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=etyO7T6WGwU

== PT

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Media: Quicker iPad Mail Pruning

If you’re like me, you get dozens of irrelevant emails every day. Plus one or two relevant messages. So I look through my junk mail daily to weed out the majority and find the real stuff.

I found that if I arrange my screen like this…

…all I need to do for each email is tap the trashcan. It seems to work better than swiping emails to archive.

== PT

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Humor: Irish Catholic Video

[via JimT]

When I was a child, I understood as a child. Now that I am an old man… this isn’t any clearer than before. 😧

== PT

Begin forwarded message:

Subject: Irish Catholic Video

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